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LA was definitely a breath of fresh air.
(Well, okay, not “fresh air” but let’s just go with the analogy, no one ever said, “ahhh, what a refreshing breath of smog!” besides me.)

Here’s one thing I don’t get: the LA hate. It seems to me that so many people, Californians and otherwise, hold so much resentment towards that city. And I think some people are just jealous. I’m jealous, in a lot of ways. Especially when I know I was on track to make a career there and know so many amazing people who reside in the area. I think it is a very special, surreal place. There is no other metropolis like it. I dare one person to name another city that is similar. Seattle and Portland? Pretty similar. You get what I’m saying.

If I were a cheesy asshole, I would say “oh and it looks like I brought the sunshine with me!” because finally Seattle is sunny and warm. But I am not a cheesy asshole, therefore I will not say that. I will just say, I am very thankful about this, it made returning to regular life back in Washington a much easier transition (everyone knows how much I detest cold weather, right?). If I had landed and it was rainy and dismal like it has been all summer, I might have booked the first ticket back… turns out I just get to feel bummed I’m back from vacation and go run around Greenlake in 80 degree weather. I can suck it up in this scenario.

The funny thing is, I never really DO anything when I visit California. When I lived in OC/San Diego, I feel like I always went on adventures and went exploring and found creative ways to entertain myself. Now when I head down to visit, I just party and drink and bar-hop and eat burritos and shop. It’s kind of sad. I told myself on this trip that I would go to Runyon Canyon, eat at Canter’s, patronize the Getty, finally visit the Elliott Smith mural (as referenced in my last post)… oh and speaking of promises I didn’t live up to from my last entry, I didn’t even eat at Pinks! What is wrong with me?! Too busy imbibing tequila, I guess. As usual. I will say that I got to visit and compare/contrast the LA Cha Cha… sorry, Seattle, it totally owns us. Their photobooth is in color and only $2, plus they serve Sparks! No contest. On the other hand, we had to wait in a massive line to get in, something foreign to me as a Seattle partier.

And I did get to hit up the heaven that is Yogurtland not once, but twice.

Celeb sightings? So glad you asked. Only the most obvious: Cee-lo (at Mel’s) and Janelle Monae (at the Beverly Center – and she was eating Yogurtland too!).

In conclusion: There were good and bad things about going. There were good and bad things about coming back. There is not one city that I feel I 100% belong in. I will never honestly be able to say, “oh SO glad to be back in my real home, Seattle!” and I know if I left here and returned to California for good, I would never be able to say “Thank God I ditched stupid Seattle, now I’m where I belong for certain!” This is not an epiphany. Every trip to LA, even a random party trip, I just have to handle the weird “life choices” emotions and know that time will take me in many unknown directions. Apparently at this point, it is taking me in the direction of Sparks and bad late-night Mexican food, and that is good enough for now.

Thank you to California and especially a few of its most incredible residents for a memorable holiday and escape.

hotel california

It is July 1^st. It is also 55 degrees and rainy. Seattle is basically giving all of its residents a big “fuck you.” I, for one, am deeply offended.

That is why (or, a component of why) I’m ditching out. Three-day holiday weekend? You’ve got to be crazy if you think I’m spending it in this. There is only one solution to my summer blues: Los Angeles.

Hot dog heaven!

You heard it here first. I threw down a ridiculous chunk of change on a very last-minute round trip on Virgin America. I am going to visit friends, go to beach parties, window shop, eat Pink’s hot dogs, and hopefully this time I won’t spend hundreds of dollaz at Moods of Norway, but we can’t rule anything out at this point. Also, as per my last entry, I will probably spend a fair amount of time “retoxing.”

The irony of this post’s title is that KJ and I don’t even know where we’re sleeping down there. Details.

I have an issue where I feel guilty spending money, but I am trying to work on that. What am I hoarding all my paychecks for? The car I don’t drive, the wedding I’m not planning, the kids I don’t have, the house I don’t own? What? I have no expenses besides rent and my one credit card. I have no one financially dependent on me. I am not saving up for any big purchases in the near future. (Except I am dreaming of a big-screen HD TV, but still, in the scope of things, not that huge of an investment.) Also, it’s pretty patriotic to spend money, and what better time to support our country’s capitalist economy than during 4th of July?! USA!

Plus, these days, I seem to be raking in the money… in weird ways. Last night I was at a concert and some dude in line for drinks paid me $20 for my number. Hahahahahaha. You better believe I engaged in that transaction. (Then proceeded to ignore his subsequent calls/texts last night, because… no.)

Here is my Ultimate LA Playlist:
Miley Cyrus – Party in the USA (for KJ, if nothing else)
LL Cool J – Goin Back to Cali
2Pac – California Love
Phantom Planet – California (not amazing, but it makes me feel like I’m in The OC, sooo…)
LMFAO – Shots (this is really a playlist song for any time I am partying outside of Seattle.)
Beach Boys – California Girls
There are obviously a lot more great songs about LA/California, but they are kind of downers, and when I am on vacation, I want to ignore life and pretend that everything is one huge celebration… therefore I cannot in good faith include things like Elliott Smith – “LA” and RHCP – “Californication”… although to include stupid Miley Cyrus over Elliott Smith on any playlist just feels plain wrong. But I do plan on visiting his memorial when I’m down there this weekend! (And maybe his house? Too creepy? Also not part of the “life is just a party” mood I’m attempting to cultivate for my weekend, I guess.) 

Well, see you in California. Time to R-O-C-K in the USA.

moods of norway

When I was in LA, one of my top priorities was shopping. It’s funny, because when I was a bit younger, working a job that was emotionally unrewarding yet providing me with double the salary I currently make, I was a huge “shopaholic.” Ugh, I hate that term. But I was. I thought nothing of throwing down hundreds of dollars on a pair of designer jeans, and I racked up novelty track jackets like they were going out of style. (Oh. They were.) Currently, in these lean times, I rarely shop for the sake of shopping. My former disposable income and the delight I took in squandering it truly shames me now.

BUT APPARENTLY IT DOESN’T SHAME ME ENOUGH because once the plane hit the tarmac at LAX, I started rabidly fantasizing about Robertson and all the financial havoc I could wreak in one week’s time. Something happens to my brain chemistry when I’m in California. Things I could consider gaudy and wasteful in Washington suddenly become acceptable – no, more than acceptable, they become desired! For example, take my reaction when I discovered the Kitson clearance outlet in Santa Monica; I believe there were audible screams of joy and disbelief. Embarrassing…

Finally, though, I was able to reconcile my Californian thirst for spending ridiculous amounts of money and my Washingtonian rustic, cozy sensibilities with a new boutique I discovered in the heart of Robertson, right across from celeb dining hotspot the Ivy (talk about prime real estate! We saw Ciara!): MOODS OF NORWAY!

It’s a well-established fact that I am mildly obsessed with Scandinavian culture. Moods of Norway even won over my  companions, who previously had been getting a little impatient with my wild-eyed window shopping. It was decorated like a cheesy lodge (made me happy!), had a huge golden tractor you were allowed to “ride” (made Grace happy!) and it was freaking “waffle Saturday” aka FREE WAFFLES FOR ALL (made KJ kind of scarily happy!). Those crafty Norwegians, they made it all too easy to justify spending $120 on a fur-lined jacket (see image). When I told the shopgirl I was going back to Seattle and needed something that would keep me warm all throughout our miserable, disgusting winter months, she claimed my jacket would be “warmer than a Northface, but ew, I am against Northface anyway” …ha, nice way to subtly stereotype and shoot down Seattleites. But the tactic worked, once she pointed out “these are jackets made BY Norwegians FOR Norwegians, and you know their winters are really cold!” Eh, true. It doesn’t take much to convince me, especially when I’m just begging for someone to validate my gratuitous impulses in the first place.

Moods of  Norway is so hip that is only has that one boutique in LA. Otherwise it’s only in Norway itself. Providing me with faux-European elitism at its finest! Unless you are shopping in Norway or Los Angeles, YOU CANNOT HAVE MY JACKET. Apparently most people in Seattle don’t want it anyway; the other day I was walking home, proudly displaying my new coat, and this guy actually shouted at me from his front yard, “You can’t be that cold!” …whoa, way to call me out, random dude! Wearing anything with luxurious fur (albeit fake fur) seems to alienate and anger the natives here in Ballard. Everyone keeps ogling my outfit like I’m an asshole. It probably doesn’t help that I often wear the jacket with a pair of huge designer sunglasses, to drive home the fact that I am soooo fashionable and exclusive and I care enough about my wellbeing to keep myself fashionably warm while still protecting my eyes from damaging UV rays! Suck it, Seattle. My Norwegian roommate, Linn, loves my jacket. When I brought it home, she squealed, “Ooh! Moods of Norway! They’re SO HOT RIGHT NOW in Oslo!”

Made BY Norwegians, FOR Norwegians, and apparently APPROVED OF by Norwegians. As a ghetto-fabulous graphic tee I discovered at the Slauson swap meet proudly proclaimed: Haters keep on hatin, cuz u makin’ me famous.

straight west coastin

Here I am.
Back in Seattle.
Wow, my enthusiasm is palpable, isn’t it?

While most people who just returned from a whirlwind trip would probably be exhausted and head straight to bed, I have priorities. And by “priorities” I mean “an addiction to the internet”… as we all can imagine, I packed a LOT of debauchery into my five days in Los Angeles, and to be honest I really can’t get into everything right now. One surprising aspect of my trip that I would like to address before I can sleep: how much I fuckin MISSED my old homestate! (Can you say “homestate” like “hometown” ? Maybe? We’re just going to go with it because it sounds less awkward than “Place I was born, then left, then returned and spent a few shockingly unproductive years in during my late teens/early 20s.”) I’m starting to develop intense anxiety about the possibilities of crafting a successful career in writing/entertainment in Seattle, I mean let’s be honest, it’s not exactly a hotbed of entertainment industry opportunities.

To allay my conflicting feelings about Washington vs. California, let’s do one of my favorite things EVER: making a pros/cons list! (Since my scribbling on a yellow legal pad can’t be published online, we’ll just go with this blog post.)

WASHINGTON

+ I already live here, so that’s convenient
+ Tons of friends/family here who I would miss terribly
+ I’m pretty into Husky football this year
+ The natural splendor of the Pacific Northwest (cause, you know, I spend so much time doing outdoorsy activities and don’t at all squander opportunities to enjoy my surroundings, instead choosing to watch TV on DVD and drink cheap alcohol and then sending inappropriate texts to people. With the heater blasting and the blinds closed and all the lights on.)

- I can’t find a full-time job that satisfies my talents and ambitions
- RAIN and COLD
- Bigfoot/ Sasquatch (yeah, obviously he’s cool in theory, but what if I get attacked?!? While I am enjoying all my aforementioned time in the wilderness of Washington, of course.)
- Less celeb sightings (basically… only have met Dave Matthews like 6 times and that’s about it.)
- No palm trees or Roscoes (my new obsession, obv) or swap meets or LA Tigers (other new obsession)(so I guess what I’m saying by this “con” of WA is that it’s too classy for me, because I just like ghetto/hilarious/AMAZING things that only LA culture can provide.)
- You can only purchase hard A in government-run liquor stores here.

CALIFORNIA

+ Warm warm warm weather (it was in the 80s today. Thank YOU)
+ Suck it mom & dad, the rest of my family lives in San Diego so I’ll still have somewhere to go for Thanksgiving. (Clearly, planning the rest of my life around where I will be to eat a delicious Thanksgiving feast is logical and necessary. I’m kinda like Seth Cohen when it comes to this holiday. PS I attempted to find a YouTube of his hilarious Thanksgiving tirade from “The Homecoming” but apparently it DOES NOT EXIST and I am outraged.)
+ Um, speaking of The OC, I can secretly pretend I’m actually living inside that TV show. Whereas in Seattle I can only pretend I’m in Grey’s Anatomy, and that doesn’t enhance my (fantasy) life at all.
+ In general, the people are more attractive. Seattle, get offended all you want, but if you have been to Southern CA you KNOW I am right!! Get it together! In turn, this will encourage me to take better care of MYself because I will feel more societal pressure to be beautiful. Instead of sitting here in sweatpants eating leftover Halloween candy. Basically I am endorsing redevelopment of an eating disorder and/or an intense drug problem, and really who can argue with those activities?!
+ CELEBRITIES
+ A ton of incredible people who are so so far away from Seattle, it’s pretty heartwrenching…
+ My super-legit alma mater, Cal State Fullerton! Represent! (While grabbing that link, I visited the website only to found that it’s been totally redesigned! Way to step it up, Titans!)
+ I mentioned Roscoes already, right? (Kinda negating the previous point of wanting to be in good shape for LA hottiez, but we’ll go with it.)

- Housing is even more expensive than Seattle
- You have to spend a lot of time in the car, driving EVERYWHERE, and if you know me you know I hate to drive and don’t even own a car
- I hear that eating disorders & drugs are dangerous. Then again I do live life on the edge in general.
- Everyone in Seattle will be hellllllllllllllla pissed off if I leave. The city will never be the same.
- If I relocated yet again and didn’t instantly achieve the wild levels of success I KNOW I DESERVE, I will sink into a deep depression and feel really embarrassed and probably weave this huge web of lies about my fake career to the people back in Seattle, then collapse under the pressure of maintaining the lies and it will just be a HUGE trainwreck for everyone.
- I might have to start going tanning and/or get a nose job. OR BOTH and I just don’t have that kind of money right now!

So, really… those are the only aspects about both locales I need to consider. And thankfully I’m a very logical and linear person, so I should easily be able to decide where I ~*~truly belong~*~ … to close, since I am too lazy to upload any California pics yet, here’s more Seth for us all to enjoy. I have many, many stories about the vacation, along with some horrendously embarrassing photos I’ll have to publicly display (because I am a masochist, apparently) but those will have to wait until later.