serious baggage

In a misguided attempt to be productive tonight, I decided to “clean and organize my entire room” which obviously means “empty out my purse, get annoyed, then watch DVRed E! reality shows on the elliptical.” Nonetheless, cleaning out my one purse proved to be a very daunting task. I became very overwhelmed by my possessions, and my life itself. Peruse this list of unnecessary handbag contents, and perhaps you will realize why.
(Note: I promise I am not exaggerating ANYTHING.)

- My passport (for all the international travel I so frequently embark on…)
- Two packets of Orbitz gum (normal)
- Two packets of Japanese Mamba candy (not normal)
- Three different chapsticks
- Three packets of oral contraceptives (cause I guess you just never know how protected you need to be)
- An eyeshadow that I swear I have owned since I was 17
- A personalized, signed copy of Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea
- No less than 10 expired Metro transfers
- A pair of $5 H&M sunglasses in a $100 Pucci sunglass case (because it’s all about appearances)
- Two pairs of earbuds
- One earring. I lost its match on campus at UW about four years ago, and here this lone earring shall remain.
- Mini tube of Colgate toothpaste
- Gatorade caps
- About eight different post-its with different people’s addresses on them
- Rosary necklace
Finally, and probably most hilarious/mysterious…
- A whole, large, Walla Walla sweet onion!

And BP thought they had issues cleaning up that oil spill! How much more work can one be expected to complete after dealing with this disaster?! In case you haven’t guessed, I carry a pretty large purse. It’s deceptively regular from the outside, but that bag can clearly hold some shit.
Now that I have completed the laborious mission of dumping all those contents on my floor, desk, and/or the foot of my bed, I am too tired to handle the rest. The new plan is to get into said bed with a glass of red wine and a DVD of The OC. Really, what more can a 20something young professional woman want out of a Tuesday night…