crimes of the heart

I haven’t written in so long. I have been busy with things like partying in Miami and working a legitimate job. (I can tell I need to practice my writing more, as I just spelled that “legitamate” on first attempt.)

Yes, now that I have a “real” career of some sort and am not attempting to sustain my existence via freelance copywriting and social marketing… I have (a) less time to chill on the blogosphere and (b) less desperation to get read/noticed, since my paycheck doesn’t depend on any type of e-success. Despite my lack of internetting, somehow I still find the time to peruse and make fun of seattletimes.com every morning. On this lazy Sunday I stumbled upon a true gem of a news article:

Nev. woman accused of stealing wine while topless

A Nevada woman is accused of stealing a bottle of wine from a store while she was topless and intoxicated.

MINDEN, Nev. —
A Nevada woman is accused of stealing a bottle of wine from a store while she was topless and intoxicated.
Brandi Smith, of Gardnerville, acknowledged her behavior was “mind-boggling” during an appearance Wednesday before a judge to face charges of indecent exposure, felony drunken driving and burglary.
Authorities say the 41-year-old was arrested May 10 after stealing a $20 bottle of wine, then driving to a nearby fast-food restaurant, where an off-duty sheriff’s deputy kept her in the vehicle until other deputies arrived.
A preliminary test revealed a blood-alcohol level of 0.14 percent, nearly twice the legal limit.
A records search found Smith has two prior convictions of driving under the influence in California.
She was in jail on $5,000 bail.

This is awesome on so many levels. And, yes, definitely mind-boggling. Before we judge Brandi too hastily, though, let’s keep something in mind. Yesterday morning I was wandering topless through my kitchen (hey, I was home alone and had just gotten out of the shower) when I saw a huge bag of European chocolates that must have been acquired by my Norwegian roommate. I was sooooo tempted to steal some. If I had given into this urge, I would have committed almost the same crime. (Take note, I was a good person and did NOT scam any of the candy, even though clearly it had been placed there to sabotage me. Also take note that I first spelled sabotage as “sabatogue” and once again I am appalled by myself.) So am I that different from 41-year-old drunkass Brandi Smith?!? Well, kind of, since I wasn’t drunk, wasn’t driving, and didn’t steal anything. On second thought, I am way different from her. Sorry girl, I can’t defend your actions. Judge away, readers!