run for the border

It’s two days before I leave on my great Mediterranean journey and my first official day of unemployment. I feel a strange and unwarranted sense of accomplishment about both of these facts. I also feel a VERY warranted sense of anxiety about both of these facts, so I suppose it balances out.

Additionally, I am experiencing a strong sense of guilt at the moment. I will partially attribute that to my job quitting and intense money I’m spending on this vacation, but I believe it is moreso caused by the eight vodka-sodas I imbibed at the Rickshaw last night, and the subsequent 2:00am Taco Bell feast I consumed. (Nothing says “post-work celebration!” like karaoke at a creepy/amazing Chinese bar in Greenwood. And nothing says “Grecian beach body” like a nacho cheese burrito from the drive-thru. Great job!)

Anyway, the question remains: I have a day and a half of leniency here before my departure. As a bonafide free agent, HOW WILL I SPEND MY TIME? Keep in mind I have not been jobless since I was… 16. That’s a hot seven years of obligation right now, and in under two days I need to make up for lost time.

Here are my goals/predictions for how to burn the hours:

• Well, PACK, obviously. But let’s get real. We all know I’m going to wait until about 3pm on Tuesday afternoon, panic like none other, and throw a motley assortment of clothing and jewelry into the brand new purple American Apparel backpack I purchased for this occasion. (I am, above all, a logical traveler.)
• Catch up on the myriad episodes of Travel Channel’s Bridget’s Sexiest Beaches that I have TiVoed.
• Work out. And by that, I mean sit around miserably dwelling on how I should have exercised more in the past two months when I knew I was going on this damn beach trip. Then look at the sad collection of aerobics DVDs I own, decide all of them look boring and/or hard, halfheartedly lift some dumbbells while watching TV, then drink a sugar-free Rock Star and congratulate myself on my devotion to health. Then probably sit on the couch and think about jogging while watching season 2 of Beverly Hills 90210 on DVD. (I will rediscover my 90210 DVDs while looking for my exercise DVDs… and obviously I have to prioritize.)
• Endure anxiety about the fact that I turned on the option for voting my blog “funny, interesting, or cool” at the end of each post and refresh the internet every hour to see if anyone voted on here. (I am becoming insecure about my e-popularity. Especially since this blog is my #1 “job” now that I… don’t have another one.) Although I modified the options to be “funny, interesting, or dumb” because of course I think everything I say is funny… but I am also realistic and know that everything I say is dumb. As far as interesting…? Well, that is up to you, the reader, to decide.
• Go fake tanning at the ingenuously named “Electric Beach” salon in Wallingford. Have paranoia about cancer the entire 7 minutes I allow myself in the bed. Consider treating myself to a MysticTan but have yet more paranoia about it being uneven or flaking off on the airplane. Then go home and stare at myself in the mirror for two hours, trying to decide if I look tanner/thinner.
• Drink lots of European beer at Brouwer’s to “prepare” myself for the trip… then feel guilty and repeat #3.
• Incessantly iChat my friend Lindsey in Spain and ask her about what type of pants to pack. Even though we’ve already decided about eight times that the joke’s on Spain; I’m not going to BRING pants! Then ask her questions about cord converters, sunscreen, and Spanish pork products (or, should I say, jamón). Guaranteed she is going to be sick of me before I ever step onto the tarmac in Malaga.
• Start to read about the latest plane crashes on CNN.com, experience a miniature heart attack, and frantically close out of the website.